STANDFIRST: When Leamington’s Catherine Williamson embarked on her new podcast, Gobsmacked! little did she anticipate how much it would reignite her own buried emotions. In this new series, she introduces us to some of the guests which have most inspired her.
This month we meet Louise Bates from Leamington. Listen back to Louise’s podcast interview HERE.
Since losing her son to a rare cancer eight years ago, Louise Bates has learned the route to nourishing her own recovery is through helping others with theirs.
Two books, a blog, and now a podcast, dedicated to supporting people through the grief process, have proved to be an emotional lifeline for the entrepreneur, from Leamington.
In Letters To Matthew: Life After Loss she shares with readers inspirational quotes and insights into her journey of self-discovery. The book, which has sold hundreds of copies since it was published five years ago, also includes heartfelt tributes from Matt’s father Bill and sister Sarah.
A Gift of Grief, released three years later, looks at all the healing techniques which helped Louise, including advice, therapy information, meditations and case studies of some of her holistic therapy clients.
Twenty episodes into her podcast of the same name – launched on Matt’s birthday last year – and she continues to inspire a growing audience who also find solace in her guests’ stories.
Matthew had recently started his new dream role as a journalist, after graduating from Brighton University, when he was diagnosed with Type 2 Papillary Renal Cell Carcinoma in 2014, an extremely rare and aggressive tumour that affects only five per cent of kidney cancer sufferers.
But it was more than two years before the severity of the condition was to become known.
Louise, 65, reflects: “We were in complete shock. The bottom of our world just fell out. But then a survival mechanism kicks in. It still feels unbelievable today that this happened to our family.
“When he was told, the consultant came in and held his hand. Matthew was shaking. You could feel the shock through him. For half an hour we just held each other and cried.”
Despite undergoing surgery to remove his kidney, they later learned the cancer had spread but, despite being accepted on various new trials, his body, sadly, did not respond to the treatments.
On his last night in Myton Hospice, in October 2016, his family bore witness to a bedside wedding to his girlfriend of nine years.
“It was wonderful to see Matthew’s face. I’m so happy he got his last wish. I stayed with him that night. I stayed awake and I held him. It turned out to be his last night.”
It was soon after Matt’s death, at the age of just 27, that Louise sought solace penning heartfelt letters to her son, eventually turning them into her first book.
She said: “I’ve had amazing feedback for my books from people all over the world, including Australia, from a lady who lost her son with the same type of rare cancer. She was really struggling with her grief and said it helped her process her emotions. When you get feedback like that, it’s incredible.
“While grief is a sensitive subject I approach it in a way that feels both real and honest. The experience of losing my son sent me on a journey through the darkest depths of my soul but by sharing my story, and my learnings, I now have a passion for supporting others going through a similar journey.”
It’s the same passion that has driven Louise to recently put herself through a programme of specialist grief training.
She added: “Combined with my training and my personal experience, I feel confident I can help other people who are going through grief.
“When I was going through the rawness of grief in the early days, I just wanted to sit and feel everything that it threw at me. But every now and again, just to get out of that space, I started listening to podcasts with other people who had lost loved ones and it completely resonated with me and I felt less alone.
“I never ever thought I would start a podcast myself. I’m not somebody that puts myself out there, I like to sort of sit back and watch the world go by and not go out of my comfort zone. But Catherine was a big inspiration and it was after being a guest on her show that it really planted the seed.
“I feel that Matthew is with me when I’m doing this and that I’m being guided by him. I think he would be proud.”
Louise and Bill mark Matt’s birthday every August with a trip to a favourite family spot at Watersmeet in north Devon, where they drop a painted pebble in the river in a private ritual of remembrance.
While the weight of grief continues to bear heavy on Louise, she is now able to say she has accepted her son’s death as well as how to live with it. Motivated by his memory, she now plans to wind down her holistics therapy business in order to dedicate more time to the podcasting and, finally, to herself.
She said: “Grief comes in waves and in the beginning you feel like you’re constantly being bashed by them and then over time you get a bit of a lull in the wave and you can breathe and then the waves get smaller and the spaces in between the waves get longer, and then you think you’re doing really well and suddenly the tsunami will come and knock you over again. It could be seeing somebody in the street who looks like Matthew or a song on the radio or some random thought that pops into my head. I’ve accepted that because I know now even that if a massive tsunami comes, I’m going to survive it. I know I’m going to come out the other side.
“It’s like a grief shadow, you know, that it’s there. But it’s like it’s Matthew and so it’s a good feeling. Sometimes it can be so strong, like an overwhelming feeling of love, like Matthew’s given me a virtual hug. I’ve accepted his death, I’m able to move on in my life. I just carry it with me now but I carry it with love.”
Both Louise’s books are available to buy on Amazon HERE and are also available on Audible.
A Gift For Grief podcast episode can be heard HERE.
WHAT CATHERINE SAYS: “I was at Matthew’s funeral, observing a family ripped apart by a cruel, terrible, indiscriminate disease, cancer. Louise and I met, as it happens, on a retreat, looking into our past lives. I loved her energy, and she was my kind of woman. And over the years, I’ve pushed and prompted her because I could see she’s got so much about her. Her books are making a phenomenal difference. As a guest on my podcast, I was delighted when, again, being prodded, she started podcasting too. Her Gift of Grief podcast is a really wonderful resource for people gripped by loss and grief. Louise has absolutely turned her pain into purpose.
